One thing kept me in debt longer than I should have been
When every dollar in was going out towards commercial debt, there was always one common feeling that I struggled with. This feeling, kept me in debt, by prolonging my debt repayments.
Looking back I see it clearly, but at the time I don't think I saw it logically. Today, I see it in the ones around me. They too struggle with the emotion and it keeps them in debt.
This emotion stems from feelings of sacrifice. I always felt that I was poor and sacrificing. This is not an imaginary feeling, for we all know when you are in debt, your dollars belong to someone else.
So each time I would get paid and sent the money to the bills, I would be left in a "cash poor" situation. Always without enough. Always with feelings of depression from not living. Working to pay for things I did not remember.
No going out, no socializing, no spending on something to make my work days have meaning. Just slaving to pay the debts. I was so burdened that I would go shopping.
Shopping, made me feel good. It was the only thing that made me forget about the burden of my debts. Sadly, that same uplifting trip, left me owing on the debts longer with each and every trip.
Each trip to bring me up from the throws of depression, lengthened the time I would be in a depressive state. Each trip, made me pay more towards interest and less towards principle. It was a terrible place to be. One that I kept locking myself into, with each trip.
Today, thankfully I realize when these feelings are alive and I can mentally pull myself out.
Today, my debts are "good" debts not commercial. But, they are still debts.
Today, there is still a burden on the cash flow, but the burden is creating wealth instead of depleting it.
Tomorrow will be a day of freedom.
2 comments:
same with me. as you see in my site, the vast, vast majority of my debt are student loans. I hardly have any credit card debt compared to other PF bloggers. While mine is considered a "good debt", you are right --it is still debt. The only thing comforting me is the thought that if i didn't take out this debt, where would I be today? Certainly not in the job I have now.
I hope you feel better...know that your comments uplift me and encourage me to keep plowing on. Thanks D!
Thank you for saying what so many, including myself, went through - my heart was pounding as I read your post! It was that mixture of shame and depression and those quick, regrettable highs I would get from not only shopping, but eating out (and eating poorly) that made a horrible situation even worse. Wonderful post.
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